Coming Home

     I've decided that I don't run away from my problems.  Oh no i'm much more subtle than that, I hide.  I hide and i'm good at it.  I can hide my problems from others, myself, i've even been known to try and hide my problems from God.  I used to believe that as long as I could smile to the world I was being strong.  I believed that the longer I hid feelings from myself the stronger I was being.
Coming back I was overtaken by feelings of brokenness and weakness.
Had this pain really transformed me into a stronger person or simply made me better at hiding?
How could it be that I felt like a part of me had died? 
Then it hit me.
It was in death that we were given new life. 
It is through our weakenss that we can be filled and used by God for his glory.
      So maybe I had this wrong the whole time.  I shouldn't be striving and rejoicing in the days where I was able to stick to my idea of being "strong".  I should be embracing the fact, the glaring reality, that on my own I am so incredibly weak.  Because "He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me....For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:9-10)